You are viewing [info]ryie's journal

   
09:28am 26/10/2011
  i just dont know what to say anymore. i got a split personality problem one day im happy one day im sad one day i just want to see the world burn. i cant help the fact a demon possesses my body when i just cant take it anymore and ive lost my sanity. i need sober friends i really could use some good influences in my life but i just cant seem to grasp enough to keep me from being lonely and reverting back to being a bad kid. boredom is my worst enemy. the only way i know how to control myself is keeping to myself and staying locked up in the house. but when your home isnt a harbor of peace and tranquility but instead a place of lets make fun of the vegetarian. then fuck that i dont want to sit at home to be continuously offered steak and chicken everyday like its a game, lets see if we can corrupt the vegetarian. im so full of hate for this world it consumes me and brings out my demon and he goes and drinks and blazes and smokes and has sex with random women and thats just not the man i want to be. this doesnt make me happy it only covers the problem temporarily and then the next day im right back to being depressed that the world sucks donkey dick.  
     Post
 
   
03:09pm 02/09/2011
  This will be the 4th week ive worked everyday after this weekend. i get monday off thank you jesus and its covered by holiday pay so thats even better. been thinking about moving away to new mexico im so sick of not having friends again. the reason i moved back from new mexico in the first place was cuz i was lonely. now im just as lonley no friends no girl no social life. i just sit at home and watch movie after movie smoke some hookah and stay sober. i spent 130 in food this past two weeks been 90% vegetarian its a weird change but its healthy and i could really use my stomach problem to go away sooner than later so veggies it is.  
     Post
 
   
12:36pm 23/05/2011
  i worked 62.25 hours and it was nothing really i just go to work everyday its what i do....what else is there to do. i cant seem to speed up the solution to my problem quick enough for my liking but im doing a good job at making money so thats a good start. just gotta choose if i wanna save for improvements or half and half.

this is being an adult. but scary as it sounds i never quit my habits i just picked another job or hobby as alexs mom would say. i quit cigarettes but thats too easy they taste like shit and give me massive problems and are normally the reason i puke when i drink. except for beer they taste good with beer.....mmhmm beer....cant drink you much either.

just working on myself cant find anything else better to do...depressing but productive		  
     Post
 
   
09:31am 20/05/2011
  one day ill come back to read all this hatred and discontent and ill laugh that i ever doubted things would work out. everyone gets a second chance if they work hard for it. but this shit takes years ladies and gentlemen. everyone wanders once in a while we need to stay strong for ourselves not just for the people around us who merry our moves through life. and though we cant make everyone happy its not up to us but up to ourselves to stick to what makes us happy and not make everyone else responsible to keep us going. this might actually be a contradiction when u believe that two parts make a whole cuz then yes your significant other is what creates your happiness and keeps you going but im not there yet. so im to keep on the other path of staying happy and doing what i love so that hopefully i find someone whos doing what she loves and then we can enjoy the company of what we love.  
     Post
 
   
09:20am 06/04/2011
  its my birtday yay! things are strange and unsettling as usual. got a girl but shes got massive problems as always but shes sweet really really really overly nice with a dark sense of humor that closely mirrors mine. makes me realize y people think im an asshole a dark sense of humor more than likely can be read as insulting. yup thats how us wierd people flirt we talk mad shit hahaha doesnt make sense at all.....


maybe this years a better year than i think im just happy to break this 13th girl slump things will be a lot smoother now		  
     Post
 
   
09:16am 28/03/2011
  im lonely and ive found someone that likes me, ive found many that like me. but not many i like back, and its impossible to play it cool. im nervous as anyone would be not having sex since my last relationship ending in a restraining order which was a surprising first. i need love i really really need love in my life and im ok with not being picky but id be happy if things went a little quicker and more planned out. i dont want a fling i want a relationship and if this girl doesnt want something long term, than i dont want to have sex with her we need to keep it simple as friends its imperative that we do for my reputation. but id risk it for her to stay for a while it could be fun i could start a revelation. things could be good. how good am i?  
     Post
 
   
09:22am 07/03/2011
  soooo fucking bored and consistantly annoyed at work im literally freaking out inside the boundries of my own mind.

but on a happier note im a solid 170 which mean that with clothes on (pair of shorts and cross trainers) and after working out at the gym i weighed over 170. im very close to my goal of 180 and my bet of 190. ill be really excited to finally have a high paying job thatll get me my apartment my independance and of course my freedom.

but im really tired of being hungry all the time due to me stretching out my stomach i literally made myself sick these last two weeks without puking. puking is not an option id have to start eating my meal all over again and i doooo not wanna do that		  
     Post
 
   
12:34pm 03/03/2011
  i was a lot happier back in the day when there wasnt much going on and life was simple. and now you have the present pulling myself out of the hole i dug trying to escape to independence way too early. i think my least favorite thing to do in life is waiting and im going to be waiting another year but after that then what. im just really lonley is all and unfortunatly i have to continue this until ive finished getting my life back in order but its so complicated. i got the converted jesus freaks and bible thumpers who think there better than everyone else. and then i got the friends that id like to see but seem too busy for me. and then i have my old friends which are cool but flakey.

all i seem to have is my brother he looks out for me hes pushing me to become a man. and i respect that i would do anything for my brother. even if it ment taking a bullet for him.

i just miss love and i crave it constantly but im way too pickey i cant just love anyone i have to love and be physically attracted and though it sounds shallow and it is. its just who i am and it makes me wait more but itll come eventually but i might just have to get a place of my own to attract her interest		  
     Post
 
   
04:03pm 25/02/2011
  People can be confusing. They always seem to want what they can't have. Everyones fundamentally alone however no one wants to be alone. Then once they get what they want they change there mind. But none can seem to move on from the old without creating a foundation with the new and that always takes too long cuz of uncertainty which causes devastation and the ones that get hurt r the ones that care more so than the other. So do nice guys finish last or get the shaft cuz there lives don't have enough drama to keep others interested  
     Post
 
   
12:52pm 16/08/2010
  put the clutch in with the help of two friends cuz face it unless you got friends a 300 lb transmission falling out of the car is pretty heavy. and of course it had to be that fixing my clutch which cost me close to 400 in parts special tools and car fluid didnt fix my transmission slipping past my clutch....just makes me think i got a new transmission to buy oh boy! :( another 800 im going to be dropping on my car but its okay. atleast i havent been doing super crazy shit, in fact ive been very good about my body and treating it like the temple it needs to be...no wonder i couldnt gain weight the last year lol im on about a month and a half of sobriety all i do is drink and smoke.

wut good are crazy stories if no one listens

i believe we were destined for more than this.
but somewhere we definitly lost our wits.
sometimes i wish we all just didnt exist.		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
VEGAS IS CLOSER THAN SAN DIEGO ! 'o' ! WOOOOAAAAA FUCK LETS GO   
09:56am 15/07/2010
  TOOL CONCERT IN VEGAS. haha im going to see tool at the planet hollywood in vegas i totally thought my tickets were for saturday though so i have to skip a day at work but thats ok as long as its at the end of the month. its just really funny i guess im not the only one that has 80% of there bills due at the beginning of the month. then when i get my own place soon my rent will be due at the end of the month and ill be brokesaured every month. well ill be brokesaured unless my plans for world domination succeed then i can enslave the human race and make them work for me muahahaha hahahha ha ha....




but probably not =P'''''		  
     Post
 
   
09:30am 12/07/2010
  its always better not to get your hopes up.

not preparing is preparing to fail but can you also prepare for success while preparing for failure kinda like bracing up for the worst i think anyone can definatly walk into a situation knowing that if it works out amazing and if it doesnt well atleast you took a shot and didnt let the oppurtunity pass you by. unfortunatly saying your not going to feel like your pride got a lil hurt in a failure situation is rediculous but wut keeps me going is that i know tomorrow could be a better day its all wut i make of it.

nine inch nails said it the best "everyone goes away in the end." but atleast the few that care have stuck around a lil longer than others.		  
     Post
 
   
09:35am 01/07/2010
  so i think i lost a friend i had tommy and bleach and now i only have tommy. it kinda sux ive done a lot for bleach. i moved her dog to san diego and bak to simi twice that was 4 round trips. i helped her move to and from her ex bfs riddicks house in long beach ive taken her to plenty of parties and not asked her for gas money and mind you these parties r in san bernadino. i could keep going on and on i swear to god this shit is fucking bullshit cuz when i ask her for favors i get the shit end of the stick and now she wont talk to me cuz i asked her everyday since monday isnt today fucking wensday i havent talked to her today and she didnt hit me up all yesterday even though she said she would and she definatly been bitter since monday when i asked her to do it.

so i managed to save over a grand in the last couple months im really proud of myself but i dont want to stop there i need to go bak to school i think ive figured out wut i want to do now. i dont want to spend 12 years in a veternarian school when most veternatrians drop out and become doctors cuz animals cant tell you wuts wrong and people can. and since people can talk being a doctor is a lot easier then guessing an animals symptoms. it jsut seems too hard and too long and i possible wont make it so ill do my other interest. which is biochemistry with a minor in botany. i want to bleed plants to make chemicals and use those chemicals to make other complex chemicals to better society. sound like fun to me maybe ill get my name in the paper one day		  
     Post
 
   
09:24am 03/06/2010
  life is good things r going real smooth right now. i got my restraining order case the 10th hopefully thats finalized from the temporary one month order to a full permenant 5 year order. then if im lucky friday ill find out if im moving out with shaggy or not hes got to wait for the bid for the condo to go through thatll be sweet. lol escrows a funny word.

WOULD YOU LIKE A BIGGER PENIS....WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE IT....YOU COULD PUT IT IN ESCROW!!!

lol red vs blue.		  
     Post
 
   
12:32pm 28/04/2010
  my understanding of the relationships people share is desperatly lacking. i felt i knew so much more when i was young. guess the nieve always do think they know more but i also thought with experience came knowledge but i guess thats kinda untrue too for myself. the only thing i understand is that sex is widely available and kept on a hush hush more so than drugs. and when i say that i also mean sex is more accepted than drugs as a form of release and yet its such a secret now a days.

if the human invention of lying never existed think about how fucked we actually be the nature of the human animal is definatly animalistic and selfish. thomas jefferson as well as the inventor of communism thomas hobbes both believed that people will do wutever it takes to secure their survival kill or steal wutever it is theyll do it cuz at the end of the day they justify their actions as necessary in order to continue on. but also the human animal is greedy and one such example would be that if you found a rolex watch in the bathroom and non was around to even watch you pick it up would you take it. and i think most people would definatly answer the question no. but when placed in that exact situation in real life they would sing a different tune especially since they would understand by just leaving it there it would be picked up by the next person walking by most definatly. so temptation is a big problem its everywhere we dont know where well find it. and its almost impposible being a nun like mother terresa (lol or however you spell it) cuz its just not in our nature to not have sex and not go get fucked up cuz its fun we all do it.

would you start the world over or would you leave it the same? definatly think most people would appreciate some change		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
12:33pm 26/04/2010
  went to a ren faire this weekend it was cool i gotta hang out with all the workers at night and camp out i slept next to some random ass girl that i didnt have sex with surprisingly. i gotta talk to hobbit hes one of the people that runs the ren faire but without it being his responsibility he told me all kinds of cool things about how it came to be and how its built. they build that shit in like 3 or 4 days its basically a ciruis but in a different time period. it was a good weekend i got so wasted that the next day i passed out for 2 hours on a tree and i almsot got hassled for being too drunk but i played it off like i hadnt been drinking but hadnt slept last night which i hadnt.  
     Post
 
   
12:39pm 06/04/2010
  its my bday YAYYYYYYYYYY  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
12:11pm 22/03/2010
  oh and fuck scotty btw the only call i got on st patricks day was from him, "hey come drive to the liquior store and get my alchohol." i have a suspended license y would i want to drive on a holiday dedicated to drinking and sobriety check points  
     Post
 
   
12:19pm 17/03/2010
  this shit is totally a documentary on the fucked up shit people do. im going to try to make it not.

so yee party coming up this saturday going to travel out to san bernadino aka san burn...hehe and have fun from 8 at night til 4 in the morning then drive bak to simi getting home at 6 in the morning. damn y do i do this shit again....oh yea its for music...oh and the lights and lazers too fuck yeah. hopefully ill get to see some people swing some fire again like nocturnal, that'd be cool. i pray i dont fall into the fountain everyone who has to puke goes to which in turn creates a swamp at the end of the day cuz that shits nasty as fuck.

then hopefully ill get all the old friends together at the beginning of next month and well all hang out problem is i dropped most all my friends so i really dont have very many left. maybe just tommy stevo nick scotty bleach the old school friends. of course tommys gf will probably want to come but shes cool. fuck i really only hang out with tommy scotty and bleach barely see shaggy anymore either that sucks		  
     Post
 
   
01:48am 15/06/2009
  if only i knew how to preceed into this life anymore. ive just lived so spontaniously that when i finally want to know where my life is actually going, and i have a few ideas, im too depressed to actually follow my dreams. its sad

all i know is work which enlies another problem cuz all work and no play make me fucking pissed off at the world. especially when you work everyday for atleast 8 hours a day. talk about exhausted i havent had a day off in about three weeks. i need major sleep.		  
     Read 3 - Post
 
 
ryie
 
 
skip